absolutely haunting

Okay, I know, I know, I need to be blogging more! I'm going to try to do better. I'm sorry it's been so long. I hate going that long without writing, and I hate that I let the busy-ness of life keep me from doing it. 

This morning's church service was pretty powerful. Rick Dunn talked a lot about the "economics of contentment," and about how our consumer-driven culture has wreaked havoc not only on our bank accounts and markets, but on each other, on our relationships, on how we perceive others and objectify people. What was the most eye-opening, however, was a song he played at the end, which had me crying all the way to work. It convicted me so much about the way our society- including me!- treats girls and sexualizes them and then leaves them on the curb to deal with the emotional turmoil that comes about. Just because girls are treated this way, though, doesn't excuse them from doing it to each other. We are each other's own worst critics. Seriously. It's so easy to sit down with the gossip magazines and gawk over how much weight X-celebrity has gained, or how terrible she looks without makeup on... and yet- we don't want to be viewed with that same degree of nit-picky criticism. Yes, it's sexist. Yes, it's disgusting. Yes, it has damaged so, so many girls in our world. But we do it too. 

Anyway, it's a song by Bebo Norman called "Britney":

I love what he says about writing the song, too:
“Britney” is a song about what our culture says and does to young women these days. It’s a collective apology for the struggle girls face growing up too fast in today’s overly adult-oriented world. The song confesses, “I’m sorry for the lies we told… We took you into our arms then left you cold/I’m sorry for this cruel, cruel world… /We sell the beauty but destroy the girl.” It’s about the lies we tell them about fame and money and what’s beautiful and what will give them life. It’s an apology for those lies. But more than that, it’s an invitation to the truth about a God who is bigger than the pain this world so often leaves them in.
I was up late, couldn’t sleep, watching some news channel, when yet another story about Britney Spears came on. My first instinct was to scoff and write it off, but then there was this freeze-frame shot of a look on her face of utter and absolute despair and confusion and brokenness—a look that I recognized. And I remember thinking “This girl is a child of God.” Suddenly, I saw her story not as something to mock, but as a real-life tragedy that is desperate for redemption and hope—a story not so different from any of our stories. Take away all the lights and cameras, and it’s really just a narrative of a girl so clearly in need of love, so clearly in need of the redeeming love of our God.
And suddenly, all I wanted to do was just apologize, over and over. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...on behalf of this fallen world, on behalf of our consumerism that so consistently devours what it wants and leaves the remnants in the wake of the search for the next fix, on behalf of believers, like myself, who mock and hurl stones rather than scribbling a message in the sand.
I think that night I saw her through the eyes of Jesus for the first time. I imagined what Jesus would say to me in my darkest hour and realized that those are the words we should speak to this world, to this culture, and even to Britney Spears in their darkest hour. “I’m sorry. Hope is here.”

Just really wanted to share this. It's something we all need to hear. We've got to stop looking at each other through the world's eyes. We're not here to throw stones and make judgments. Luckily for all of us, God is our judge, not our neighbors, coworkers, friends, or even family. If that weren't the truth, if it weren't for grace, we'd all be partying with Satan for eternity. I wish I could learn to see people more like Jesus does. I hate that I'm so weighted down by my own insecurities that I condemn others before they condemn me. But why do we have to be so quick to condemn each other? Do we really think we have that much authority and control?

Sometimes, humanity makes me sad. I guess at the end of the day, we're really all a bunch of Britneys. 

of the moment

It's been a long time since I've made a list of things I'm all about on a given day, or week, or whatever. So I thought it appropriate to make up for time lost and share all the things on my mind and in my heart these days.... in numbered order, of course.

1. oatmeal 

Maybe it's just because we started selling it at Starbucks, but I've become a bit addicted. I've been eating it everyday, either here or there, morning or night... whenever. I'm usually a cold cereal (pereferably Honey Bunches of Oats) kind of girl, but there's just something about a warm, filling bowl of oatmeal on a fall morning- perfect (for all you baristas- pardon the cheesy joke).

2. rawhide bones and puppy kong

Maybe this is cheating on parenting, but I don't care. I will gladly give Gretchen a bone if it will keep her occupied for a good hour. Those things are worth every penny!

3. folksy girl goodness

See below. Also: She & Him, Patty Griffin, and Rosie Thomas.

4. not sarah palin

All you need to know can be summed up in the following videos:

5. revisiting the classics

Man, I had forgotten how good the old stuff is! Thank you Netflix for the unlimited choices of old Hollywood greats.

6. craigslist

This website is helping us make decisions about where we should live, believe it or not! You can find just about anything on here.

7. this girl's blog:

www.dooce.com

8. mckay's

Seriously needs no explanation. I will be sad to leave this behind in Knoxville when we leave.

9. morningstar meat substitutes

Tastes BETTER than meat! Not even kidding. Just try it.

10. cleaning the apt. with jamie

I have a husband who CLEANS! Dream come true. I know.

11. plaid and gingham

All I want to wear right now.

12. the "simply" juices

Grapefruit is my personal fave.

13. www.etsy.com

Got turned onto this website about a year ago, and can spend hours browsing. No better place to buy original art, clothes, jewelry, etc. etc. This is where I found the girl who did our wedding invitations!

14. greg pinkner's new crossroad series

On Jesus as the "true and better" version of major Old Testament dudes. So far we've done Adam and Abel... I think tonight is Noah. Crazy heavy stuff.

15. picking a new place to live

We're flying the coop, baby. Question is: where to? To be continued. 

If I don't leave now, I'll be late for a sushi date! So I'm sure there may be more... later...

ode to saddle creek

Okay, so tonight I'm going to see Conor Oberst (of Bright Eyes fame) and the Mystic Valley Band, featuring Jenny Lewis (of Rilo Kiley fame). 

Pardon me. I think I might pee on myself. 

I absolutely love the community of musicians that began with Saddle Creek Records (the label started by Oberst). Maria Taylor (originally of Azure Ray) is another favorite of this group. I had the surprise privilege of seeing her open for Jimmy Eat World not long ago! 

This music makes me very nostalgic. Freshman year at the College of Charleston, 2004, I discovered this pretty legendary group called the Postal Service. (Who knew Ben Gibbard had a side project?) And it was what everyone was listening to. Literally, in the stairwell of my dorm, girls would be going up and down singing the songs. And I became enamored by the voice of the girl who sang with him on the album. Come to find out, it was Jenny Lewis. Which led me to Rilo Kiley, and then to her solo release with the Watson twins a couple of years later. I fell in love, more or less. Why do I love her? Well. For one, her voice is phenomenal. For two, she is hot and she has pretty much the best style of anyone I've seen. For three, she has red hair. For four, she is a very talented songwriter, with a broad range of subject matter and mood and style. 

Okay, so at the same time, my roommate Rachel introduced me and Grace to her Saddle Creek loves, Conor Oberst and Tim Kasher of Cursive. At first I was like, this pretty much makes me want to lay in my bed in a fetal position with the covers over my head and not speak to anyone. Ever again. It was totally foreign to me. But everyday at lunch (yes, the three of us ate lunch together, every day) she would talk about how we should move to Omaha (where all of these people got started) and how she should marry Tim Kasher. Her obsession was pretty amusing. Well, the following spring, Bright Eyes did a double release of I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning and Digital Ash in a Digital Urn. Um... basically awesome. One of the songs, "The First Day of My Life," was actually the first dance song at our wedding. Singlehandedly one of the most powerful, but simple, love songs I've heard. 

I can't really remember how we stumbled upon Maria Taylor. I'm pretty sure Grace just randomly downloaded her debut, 11:11, and we both got hooked. Another intoxicating voice. 

So about those connections... Maria used to play drums for Bright Eyes at one point, and she was rumored to date Conor Oberst. Jenny Lewis obviously partnered with Ben Gibbard for the Postal Service (not a Saddle-Creeker, but might as well be). Conor, Jenny, and Ben collaborated on a song for Jenny's album with the Watson Twins called "Handle With Care." And now Conor and Jenny are touring together. 

I'll admit that I've been tempted to pick up and move to Omaha myself! Apparently good steak is not the only thing that city has to offer the rest of the world.

One reason I'm drawn to these artists is that at one point or another, they have all experimented with a very folksy, dare I say country (gasp!), sound. It's like they've revisited the Grand Ole Opry days back in the 60s and 70s and have modernized the era of Johnny and June and the Ryman auditorium. 

I love what Jenny did with the old tv show "Hee Haw" for her "Rise Up with Fists!!!" video. My mom grew up watching this show, sort of a skit/humor type thing with guest music stars ranging from Loretta Lynn to Roy Rogers to Conway Twitty (basically all of the legends). 

Compare the first video (Dolly Parton on Hee Haw, 1974) to Jenny's version:

Pretty awesome, huh?

Now for a taste of Conor Oberst and Maria Taylor:

Notice the Nashville influence?

Love it.

And just for my nostalgia's sake, and because I love the retro look of it, AND of course because this wouldn't be complete without a little Ben Gibbard, here's another favorite: The Postal Service's "We Will Become Silhouettes":

Feeling bombarded yet?

Sorry, I just had to share. I am so, so, so excited for tonight! I can't wait to see how they perform together. Oh man. This is gonna be good. 

Omaha, here I come. 

(In spirit anyway.)

The Opposite Way

Living in the same town

For all these years

Doing the same old things

Hanging with the same crowd

And it's starting to get crippling

You've never felt in place

And you tell yourself it's all okay

But something's different today

You want to run the opposite way

And it seems you're locked in a cage

And you need to find a way of escape

When everyone is setting the pace

It's okay to run the opposite way

The Father sent His Son down

The light of men

The cross He bore was crippling

Rejected in His own town

They couldn't see the sun shining

He knelt in the garden and prayed

Father, let this cup pass from me

It's not Your will for me to stay

Your will for me is the opposite way

And it seemed like He was locked in a cage

And He couldn't find a way of escape

But through the cross He conquered the grave

My Jesus ran the opposite way

Oh, and through the cross He conquered the grave

Oh, He ran the opposite way

Yeah, through the cross He conquered the grave

So you could run the opposite way

Leeland Mooring

As many of you may know, Jamie and I have done a whole lot of procrastinating in figuring out the direction we feel led to pursue in our lives. Okay, me more so than him. But this past week has been an eye-opening experience for both of us, I think. It finally clicked in my mind why I've been so reluctant to make any decisions about our future. 

The wheels started turning last weekend when I took those pictures for Hope and Chris. I had honestly forgotten how alive I feel behind a camera. And of course I never feel like I'm good enough at anything I do, so the whole experience has been good for my self-confidence, because I've already gotten so much positive feedback about my work. Which I didn't see coming. At all. Well, anyway, it got me thinking, mainly about what could possibly be holding me back from pursuing professional photography as a career. It's always just seemed like such a crazy and impossible goal, you know? I mean, don't I need to be working a 9-5 job? Living in suburbia? Having a stable and predictable income and lifestyle? What is it that has been sucking me into this dangerous mindset, that the safe way is the best way? Why have I been so tempted to settle, and not follow my heart and my dreams? I mean, I can sit for hours and drool over the incredible photography of some artists that I follow, but all I can do is think to myself that I could never do that for a living. And then there is the guilt that comes with choosing something that doesn't require me to expand my intellect and read lots of books and be important and stuff. And how could I possibly glorify God and serve Him by doing something that might seem superficial to many?

Sometimes it's just best to tell the devil to put a sock in it.

With a lot of encouragement from Jamie and my family (the latter really surprised me, because I fully expected my dad to be disappointed that I didn't want to take the academic route. Quite the contrary, actually. He was very supportive, and seemed glad that I wanted to put my creativity to use on a full-time basis), I've spent the past week doing a lot of research about photography as a career. I've looked into a lot of programs all over the country, but Jamie and I feel really drawn to California right now, where we both have some really good options. And it's about the most opposite way we could take right now, eh? If we live there for a year at first, with Jamie in school, I will be eligible for in-state tuition, which means I can get in an awesome program for about $3,000 total for two years. WHOA baby. Apparently California isn't expensive in every department. 

One of the biggest draws about this whole idea is the prospect of running my own business, on my own terms, being my own boss and being able to avoid the hierarchy and politics of the cubicle life. I can work from home and choose what work I will do and when. It might take some time to get my name out there and get it all going, but I think the payoff will be well worth the patience (and possibly poverty-ha) it takes to get there. I mean, there are plenty of self-employed photographers who make very decent livings. If you don't believe me, look into the average cost of getting a really talented and creative person to shoot a wedding. 

The upside of this is that, when I think to the future, I know Jamie and I will want to start a family at some point, whether by adopting or having our own or both, and I want to stay at home with them at least until they get into kindergarten. Now, depending on how many children there are, I could be at home for a significant portion of my life. Given my predisposition to getting extremely depressed when I'm not being productive and expelling creative energy and putting my mind to work, and the fact that if I even sit in our apt. for more than 3 hours at a time, I get very restless, I think it would be best if I do some sort of work. I've been really inspired by the story of a local photographer, Meggie Velasco, who spent years doing commercial photography, working in retail, etc., and decided to start her own thing when she got pregnant. So now she can spend the majority of her time with her son while working and having an income. AND doing what she loves to do more than anything. 

I haven't been more excited or relieved to make a decision than when I finally chose English as my major simply because it was my passion, despite pressure to pick a "real" major. Whatever that means.

And I've been thinking a lot about how photography could be used to further the Kingdom, and I'm glad that I've been finally able to see through Satan's lies. Everyone is called to do something different (thankfully!), because if we all did the same thing, how would we function as a church? Not everyone is called to be a youth minister or a Bible teacher or even a missionary. Truth is, we can be Jesus to anyone, anywhere, at any time, no matter what we're doing. I'm frankly sick of all the obsession about whether X and Y are God's will, or if God's will is that I move to Ohio or Africa, or if God wants me to wear brown or black shoes today. If you are living the Christ life, being a servant to the lowly, glorifying God with the way you act and the things you say, guess what: you're following God's will for your life. Sometimes He does specifically and distinctly call people to do very particular things, but if we sit around waiting for a spoken message to fall out of the sky, God would probably tell us to stop wasting our time and go read the Bible if we want to know His will. 

For me, I see taking pictures as a way of showing people the things they've been blessed with, and to help them stop to appreciate and be thankful for them. It's easy for us to look over a sunny sky or a beautiful leaf or whatnot, and it's easy for us to forget how precious each moment of our lives are, but it seems to help when these things are captured in an image. Every time I look through our wedding pictures (which is a lot, trust me), I can't help but be amazed and humbled by the beauty of the day that God gave us, and the people he surrounded us with, and even the good food and the chance to come together and celebrate and dance and have a good time. It reminds me of the magnitude of that day, and all that it represented. And I'm glad I'll never be able to forget these thing or take them for granted, because I'll always have the photographs as physical evidence of the glory and goodness of God. I only hope I can do the same for other people.

I could go on more about this, but Gretchen woke up from her nap and is now dragging her basket of toys all over the place to get my attention. It usually works. :)

chris and hope's engagement pictures

So, this past weekend I had a lot of fun shooting an engagement picture session for Hope and Chris, who go to my parents' church. They came to our wedding and loved Andy's pictures (but I mean, who doesn't?!), but he was out of their budget, so Hope asked me if I would be up to the task. I warned her not to expect Andy-quality work, but that I would do my best. This has actually been a really fun process, and I'm excited to shoot their wedding in October. Sorry these pictures aren't very big or well-organized... still working on my mad computer skillz. But let me just say, learning and using Photoshop has been really challenging but also really exciting. Eep! I love photography. I hope you guys like these! 

****ETA: Okay, I just realized you can click on the thumbnails and see a much bigger version. So that should be better!

Dog People: Who Knew?

As you might be able to tell by now, I'm pretty much obsessed with our dog. Maybe it's just because she's the first dog I ever had. I don't know. But there are a lot of things I didn't realize would happen to me when I became a dog owner. For one, I knew I'd like her, but I didn't really, truly believe I could love her. It's only been the past week or so when I've begun to notice that I fall more in love with her every day. (Of course, this could be partly due to the fact that she's settled down considerably since we brought her home... I think most of the nervousness is gone now, and she's not constantly tearing up jack around the apartment.) Lately, when I'm away from her for a long time, I start to miss her, and I love coming home to her running up to me and wagging her little tail and getting all excited. I love how she's such a big baby and likes being coddled accordingly. She's so cuddly that I can hold her in my lap, even though she weighs 40 lbs. When I'm out, I always look for toys I think she would like (to chew up and destroy, that is- they don't last long). And even my MOM is starting to like her, and talks to her in baby voices and scolds me if she thinks I'm punishing her too much (she's such a grandmother already). 

But another thing I've found out is that there really is this whole other culture and world of dog owners and lovers. We've been taking her to this awesome dog park out off of Lovell Rd., and it is seriously so much fun to watch her interact and play and race with tons of other dogs. They have this huge pond of water that the dogs can play, and Gretchen really isn't sure how she feels about it yet, but it is hilarious to watch all the dogs just paddling around and chasing each other for tennis balls. I love being around other "dog people" too. They tend to love their pets as if they were children, and it's awesome that they are used to and don't mind barking and jumping and slobbering. In fact, most of them get down and love all over Gretchen even when she's being obnoxious and trying to jump on them (a habit we haven't been able to break her of just yet). It's cool to see all sorts of different breeds and match them with their owners, like in the opening sequence of 101 Dalmations. Most of the dogs are bigger because I think little dogs might get trampled to death, but we've seen everything from a feisty Jack Russell to a lumbering 110-lb. gorgeous Great Dane (still a puppy, if you can believe it!). And mostly they all just romp around together like they're best buddies. It is freaking adorable. I'm starting to feel like I really understand what it means to have a dog, and I love it. I now know what I've been missing out on all my life! 

Videos worth watching... So entertaining.